Love is real. But much of the time, I've believed it wasn't real for me. I believed that I was never meant to find the kind of love that makes you better and pulls you through the hard times and finds you when you're lost. I've never believed that I would find the kind of love where I receive as much as I give, where someone would appreciate me for who I am. The kind where someone knows your faults and loves you in spite of them.
I still have a hard time believing it, much of the time. I look at my past and the love I've given versus the love I've received and I wonder if that is how it will always be.
But thanks to my wonderful best friend and roommate, I'm trying to believe in someday.
Because maybe someday I'll find someone who has the capacity to love as deeply as I do. Maybe someday I'll stumble across someone who loves me exactly the way I am, and tells me so. Someday I'll find the love that I've dreamt of in the small optimistic part of my brain that is left from when I was a child, from before I was bitter and jaded, from before I built walls so high that no one had a chance of getting in.
Maybe someday someone will take the time and make the effort to get past all of that. Someday someone will decide I'm worth the fight it will take to get in.
Maybe I haven't found them yet because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. This is not the place where I'm supposed to make my life, so it can't be where I find the person I will make my life with.
It's okay to be alone. It's even okay to be lonely. But if I believe in someday, then maybe I'll get it...
"One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. What more could your love do for me?"
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