Tick...tock...tick...tock... The big move is three months away. Wow, that went by fast. It's really time to start thinking about making sure I do what I want to before I leave. I need to spend more time with my family.
Tick...tock...tick..tock... I just put in the 60 day notice on my apartment. This is really happening, isn't it? Every time I see my niece and nephews I realize how sweet each moment is. I mean, yeah, I'll still see them a few times a year. I'll come back. But they're so young. Will these precious memories of me fade?
Tick...tock...tick...tock...tick....tock...
Time is a cruel gift. Each moment we have, each day, each hour, each minute something that we take for granted and yet will never get back. In the time we have, is it wrong to choose the life that will bring us the most joy and happiness? And yet, as we make the sacrifices necessary to achieve that life, there is always that moment when you look back.
There was another path. So long ago, I made a choice. That choice led me down a path and took away time from things that might have been wonderful. I've made so many choices in my life for other people. I've sacrificed time and memories for the sake of the happiness of others. For the first time in my life, I'm choosing to be selfish. I am taking time and memories away from other people so that I can do what I've always dreamed of doing.
When I was younger, I dreamed of flying. It was practically an obsession. My step dad built a swing set in my back yard. I spent hours and hours on that thing, swinging as high as I could, dreaming that I could fly. Even as I got older, and fought the depression that threatened my very life, I dreamed of wings that would take me away from the pain and the place where I never truly felt I belonged.
Flying is no longer my dream. But I still dream. I dream of making a difference. I dream of being remembered. I dream of seeing the world. I dream of living, not just surviving. For that dream, I began by going to college and earning a degree. That was a series of steps I wasn't sure I could make it through, but I managed. The next series of steps has me scared more than I'd like to admit, but the road between here and Arizona is paved with the next steps of my dream.
I may look back on this path and wonder if I should have chosen another. I am sacrificing time and memories for the sake of other times and other memories. But there is a hope, a flicker of light, that this road, the one that scares me, will be the road that brings me closer to my dreams.
But in the end, what matters, if we didn't chase our dreams, and find our happiness along the way?
"But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
William Butler Yeats
