Words come more easily to me than to most people. I can put words together on a piece of paper and make sense of people and emotions and life in a way that people understand. I can make ugly things sound pretty, I can make pretty things sound horrid, and I can make average things sound wonderful. It's a gift I've had my entire life.
And yet lately, I feel like I'm wasting my gift. In my attempt to better myself, I lost sight of what I was reaching for. I went to back to school because I wanted to write. I went back to school because I wanted the novel that I'd already written to be worth something. It's now been 4 years since I finished that novel and I have done next to nothing with it.
4 years. That's almost five times longer than it took me to write the damn thing. When I went back to school, I was going to be a creative writing major and be the next Great American Novelist. Then practicality got in the way of creativity and I lost sight of the dream I had.
Now I look at my graduation date in six months and I wonder whether I'll have time to do what I went to school to do in the first place. When I'm starting my career as a young adult and trying to make my life in a bad economy, will I have time to write? Will I be able to do what I love?
I was trying to find myself and I lost sight of what I was looking for along the way. I miss this. I miss the words flowing through my mind and onto the screen so effortlessly. I miss having an outlet for all of the thoughts and stories constantly swimming through my brain.
I don't have time to write like I used to. Life got in the way of what I love and now I don't know how to get that back without sabotaging the career that my degree could get me, the one I've worked hard for.
I'm caught in a very strange place... I miss my words.
This blog is named after one of my all-time favorite quotes, "I write for the same reason that I breathe, because if I didn't, I would die."
I'm dying. I need to come up for air, but I'm lost in the currents of life, struggling to swim to the top but being pulled under whenever I think I've caught a break.
"If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"
- Anna Nalick
